my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
