and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
