oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
