things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
