Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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