Only a mothe r could love this liver
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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