i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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