what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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