How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
