Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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