I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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