ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
