I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
