she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
