i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
