I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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