Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
