chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
