2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
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