There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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