I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
