If i come over, it means nothing
We got so high we made milksteak
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
