don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
