so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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