I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
