Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
