Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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