Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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