I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
