make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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