i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
