I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
