i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
