A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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