I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
fuck your aforementioned shoe
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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