He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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