Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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