I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish i was in the wii world.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
