Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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