Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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