Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
