But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
