i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
