Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
