my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
