Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
