You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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