remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
