His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
