Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
