omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
