I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
