We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
