your thong is hanging out like whoa
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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