Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
