New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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