i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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