So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
