***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
