I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
