You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Found the puke drawer
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
