I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Randomize
