Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
