Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
