Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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